Don’t fall for fake forgiveness

This is an alternative perspective on forgiveness from a trauma survivor friend who also happens to be an author and facilitator of writing courses. I want to share it because I think it’s valid. There’s a lot of trauma survivors out there who have unresolved or unprocessed emotional pain. Similarly there are many saying you must forgive or else. I’m interested in hearing your thoughts !

“Those that focus on the importance of forgiving your aggressor while you are still hurting are aggressors, too. They too are channeling their unresolved material in your direction. They too are denying your value and trivializing your suffering. Many who preach forgiveness are merely bypassing their own unprocessed victimhood. Trauma survivors in denial, they need you to artificially forgive, so that they can turn off the tap of their own remembrance. If they can jump you to premature-forgiveness, they no longer have to see the reflection of their own unprocessed pain in you. It’s the most dangerous game of all- to invite forgiveness of other, before a victim has been truly seen in their woundedness, before (s)he has truly moved through their own organic process. If you have been wounded, you have been wounded. It’s that simple. And you won’t heal it, and the world won’t evolve beyond its hurtful ways, if we sweep that truth under a bushel of forgiveness. The heal is for real…”

Jeff Brown, author of Grounded Spirituality.

Published by Jeanette Dean

I'm a life long learner. I've been on a voyage of discovery since childhood so ask why a lot. I'm Irish and a bit American. I write because its freeing and healing. I love photography, theology, the natural beauty of Ireland and swimming in the sea year round. I see the world through the lens of Celtic Christianity but can try on other perspectives. The business of everyday spirituality has always fascinated me. I hope this blog challenges, inspires and encourages you. Perhaps you'd like to work with me. Please reach out to me if that's the case. I'd love to hear from YOU so please comment and let me know you are out there!

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