Don’t fall for fake forgiveness

This is an alternative perspective on forgiveness from a trauma survivor friend who also happens to be an author and facilitator of writing courses. I want to share it because I think it’s valid. There’s a lot of trauma survivors out there who have unresolved or unprocessed emotional pain. Similarly there are many saying you must forgive or else. I’m interested in hearing your thoughts !

“Those that focus on the importance of forgiving your aggressor while you are still hurting are aggressors, too. They too are channeling their unresolved material in your direction. They too are denying your value and trivializing your suffering. Many who preach forgiveness are merely bypassing their own unprocessed victimhood. Trauma survivors in denial, they need you to artificially forgive, so that they can turn off the tap of their own remembrance. If they can jump you to premature-forgiveness, they no longer have to see the reflection of their own unprocessed pain in you. It’s the most dangerous game of all- to invite forgiveness of other, before a victim has been truly seen in their woundedness, before (s)he has truly moved through their own organic process. If you have been wounded, you have been wounded. It’s that simple. And you won’t heal it, and the world won’t evolve beyond its hurtful ways, if we sweep that truth under a bushel of forgiveness. The heal is for real…”

Jeff Brown, author of Grounded Spirituality.

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